13th Floor Haunted House Review (2024)

It’s a generally accepted rule that if the cast is having a good time, the audience will have a good time. This was generally true at Thirteenth Floor in Phoenix. While not enthusiastic across the board, much of the cast seemed to be enjoying their scare work. Team Jackalope was greeted in each scene by a cacophony of growls, shrieks, cries, and whimpers of pain that would tear up the throat of anyone who tried to utter it for too long. 

There were a good number of actors across the entirety of the haunt, and they did a solid job of embodying their roles.  Zombies charged in and attacked, cultists were suitably worshipful of their demon lords, and undead pirates were also present.

While there was a bit of sameness in the way that each character behaved, I do want to especially call out a fantastic scene within the ruined cityscape where a survivor begged us for help.  She was desperate and near hysterical at the lack of any safe zone, and shortly after we agreed to help her a zombie charged in and bore her to the ground, attacking her, and forever ending her pleas for safety.  We absolutely love scenes like this; they make everything feel more real and grounded.

Unfortunately, moments of true interaction were few and far between. This was less a result of the cast, who were game for it, and more a result of the sound design. It was so loud inside the haunt that it was often difficult for us to make out what they were saying, and I’m sure equally difficult for them to hear us. Better balancing of the sounds vs voices of the haunt would go a long way towards aiding the cast in interacting with us.

Customer service was overall solid, with a few hiccups. The biggest issue was that the staff was not prepared to open at the opening time. I arrived right at opening time and stood in line, in the over hundred-degree heat, for 22 minutes before anyone was let in. That’s not great, especially when there are no announcements as to why the haunt wasn’t open yet. They just left us in line until the first guests were finally let in.

There was also a safety hazard in their pirate ship. A board to provide something to step on was missing from a steep downramp, causing my foot to slip and me to pull my hip flexor. I’m a not especially limber middle-aged man, but someone older and frailer could have been genuinely hurt. It’s a problem that I hope has been solved.

Otherwise, everyone was polite and friendly. The website was easy to navigate, and had pertinent information.  Parking was a breeze, the haunt is located in an old department store.

There isn’t much of a pre-haunt area at Thirteenth Floor.  While the Fear Farm haunt run by the same company contains a Halloween fair, Thirteenth Floor contains a parking lot. There’s a bit of signage, a tent that sells concessions, and a row of porta-potties. Even with a couple of overheated line actors, you very much feel like you’re standing in a parking lot in front of an abandoned K-Mart; it’s not exactly transportive before entering.

Inside the haunt is an overpowering sound design, making it hard to hear the speech of the actors and lose yourself in the moment when it drowns everything out. You leave right into the nicest part of the whole production, the gift shop, and then it’s right back out into the parking lot. It’s not the worst I’ve ever seen, but it definitely leaves a lot to be desired. Better sound design and a bit more decoration or celebration in the parking lot would help immensely.

Thirteenth Floor is a professional company, and that carries through in their animatronics, set design, and sensory effects.  All of the animatronics were great, with the standout being a demon lord worshipped in a ruined cathedral.  Sensory effects were similarly amazing.  The swamp scene in the middle of the haunt is the best-done fog swamp I’ve ever seen; I could almost believe I was wading through the water! The sets were detailed, well-constructed, and very believable. They truly set the stage in a perfect way for the haunt.

Again, the sound was extremely loud and distracting in this case. I recommend turning it down a few notches to hear actors and fully experience the fun and frights.

Scary is entirely in the eye of the beholder, and in the eyes of Team Jackalope, 13th Floor was fine. It wasn’t not scary, but it was far from the scariest I’ve ever seen. The scares had a bit of variety, from the loud-in-your-face moments to times of quiet menace. There were enough actors that they were able to work well together to distract us and then come at us when we were distracted from another direction. 

We would have liked to have seen the cast targeting our whole group, as they focused mostly on the front of our team or the back but not all of us throughout.

There was a bit of a disconnect where a finale would typically take place. We saw a large demon and then walked a bit until we came upon the gift shop.