Black Orchard Haunted House Review (2024)

Shortly after we arrived, we were greeted by several members of the Black family. An energetic young lady in a dark-colored dress repeatedly came over to say hello and show off gifts she’d received from other visitors. Another member of the clan, a rather unhinged person wearing ratty clothes and brandishing a bat, snuck about scaring unsuspecting groups. But the most notable among the roamers had to be pig-face-wearing Porkchop. Funny and endearing as he seemed, we had to watch our backs around that one… our adventure kicked off when he stuffed a group member into a body bag and hauled her away to parts unknown! Thankfully, we found her later – safe and (mostly) sound.

Touring the Blacks’ property and family business was an interesting ordeal. Some seemed suspiciously jovial and welcoming, while others were more apprehensive about our presence. Could it be that they were hiding something? Oh, believe us… they were! Among the more suspicious characters we met was Jebediah, who appeared to be very concerned about all the “visitors” coming through. Entering Black Orchard Meats, we were promptly greeted by Roland, the assistant butcher. He was happy to show off the family’s selection of meats and produce, but why did he comment on one of our group members being a “great big slab of beef” and anoint all of us with… blood?! That mark had to mean something, and we felt it wasn’t good. Multiple maniacs accosted us along a walkway, including a vicious actor wearing a pig mask and a baseball cap, who repeatedly hacked at us with a cleaver and ran us out of there! Several more of the family’s deranged relatives taunted and hunted us throughout the attraction, many with dirty and/or wounded faces and others wearing those of animals. A couple of unfortunate souls had been captured and shrieked at us for help, swiftly silenced by their captors.

About midway through the barn, we met Grandma. She introduced us to Astrid, who happily showed us her collection of “pretty thangs” (a.k.a. items shamelessly gleaned from the Blacks’ victims). Our refusal to add to her collection resulted in a tantrum that would put a three-year-old to shame, along with Granny coming back to scold us… sorry ma’am. A wild-eyed young man- possibly the son of the woman tasked with “cleaning the meat”- followed us around for a good while and grabbed some scares along the way. Eventually, we found ourselves lured out to the junkyard behind the slaughterhouse by a deceptively friendly family member. Unfortunately for us, their true intentions were revealed with a sudden roar of “Light ’em up, boys!” – and a pack of chainsaw-carrying crazies came rushing in to carve us up like the piggies we were!

There was a great deal of interactivity with this cast. A matronly character outside enlisted us to help fold the laundry, and another asked us to assist him with plowing the soil. Remember, Black Orchard isn’t just a slaughterhouse – it’s a farm the Black family lives on. Most characters were in speaking roles and had lines that were appropriate for their characters and scenes. Others reverted to animal noises, like Porkchop, who pulled off a flawless pig impression. Many actors got their set pieces involved in their act as well.

Although most of the characters we saw were energetic and/or enthusiastic in their roles, we came across just a few who seemed to still be finding their groove for the season. It was still a bit early in the run when we came through and we’re sure this will be resolved with another weekend or so.

The characters at Black Orchard were dressed to the country nines for each role! A little farm dirt was “sprinkled” all over each actor, with the “occasional” blood here and there. Don’t let that scare you; this is the aftermath of preparing all that fine meat!

Porkchop sported his scary pig mask with great big eyes, enormous ears, and a large snout. He wore his overalls accessorized with… body bags! What does Porkchop need body bags for?! You will have to visit the haunt yourself if you want the answer. A lady wandering about outside was fully decked out in a dress with many trinkets and bags attached to her while another character carried a sharp knife that was seemingly stuck in his hair… well, maybe not. After he ran it up and down one group member’s body… we knew otherwise.

The denizens of the barn, inside and out, wore the skin of others; some appeared not to have slept in days, and additional characters sported more animal faces. You could tell that some of the stitching on the masks was homemade and fresh… ew! Others were in farm dresses, dirty whitey tighties, layered country clothes, and some had some wild hair.

The realistic masks and airbrushed makeup features gave the characters a more gritty look that matched their scenes well. Some had dirt/grime down to their fingertips. They also had many accessories, including saws, meat cleavers, and other creative “farming” items to complete their looks. While the characters all appeared to have lived in the barn and slaughterhouse areas, some were a bit too clean, and we noticed a lot of pearly whites that could have used some grunginess.

Before embarking on our tour, we looked at their website, which made it easy to find all the main event details, including a FAQ page, dates, times, prices, and the legend of Black Orchard.

Our GPS took us directly to Red Orchard Park. Make sure you go into the parking lot the correct way; several of us almost entered the out! Additional signage and flaggers would be helpful in the parking area. Parking is free in a large grassy field, and restrooms are available behind the barn at the end of the parking area.

Once we parked, we followed the rolling fog and the screams to the ticket booth. The ticket booth was clearly marked, with all prices listed, and the lines were roped off and marked in front of the entrance. You can also purchase your tickets online in advance! The Black Orchard Staff were constantly present, ready to assist and guide us. Their eagerness to help, even offering to assist us into body bags, was a reassuring sign of their commitment to our experience. Real friends help you get into body bags!

Remember, it is an outdoor and rustic barn haunt. There is some uneven flooring and darker areas. So wear your good shoes, and keep your eyes open; there were some larger holes in the dirt inside the barn. We would suggest that regardless… You never know what beast is lurking around every corner!

The minute we approached the barn from the parking area, we immediately drew the attention of the Black family, who had eagerly wanted to cause some mayhem. We’d stepped into their territory, and at first, we couldn’t tell if they were happy about it or not (later on, seemingly, they were not). If the never-ending sounds of screams and chainsaws didn’t make us weary, the frightening folks on the prowl around us whilst we waited to begin our ‘tour’ of the barn sure did! While the music in the queue area wasn’t necessarily scary, it kept us entertained and lively, and somehow, we were still all on edge about who might approach us at any second. What they might do was another concern.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a family you’ll want to be a part of. Let’s just say the rumors of cannibalism might not just be rumors; we encountered many questionable meats once inside. Their recipe is a family secret they made clear they’d do anything to protect. Those on the Black property aren’t fond of uninvited visitors, and our group found that out the hard way.

This wasn’t your typical big happy(?) family. Some were too far gone, and others were REALLY too far gone. Every scene we encountered fit and made sense to the theme; nothing felt out of place or inaccurate to their story. From the intimidating trail full of very much used (for what, we don’t wanna know) farming equipment to the menacing barn itself, the energy within the actors and the fear within us never died down! Not to mention the vast amount of fog that was just as thick in the air as the tension. We were never left wondering what an area was for or what we were doing there, and the actors surely didn’t let us forget that we weren’t welcome. The immersion inside the haunt was grade A.

When we were convinced we’d made it out alive after exiting the barn, we soon came to find out the scares didn’t end there. We were chased back out directly into their photo op and queue area, where the spooky atmosphere remained from when we’d been there prior. The queue actors still didn’t want to let us go that easily, piling on a few more shenanigans in the meantime. On the night of our visit, we even got our picture with illuminated pumpkins spelling out “Black Orchard,” which was a perfect end to the evening. Giving this secret family recipe a try is a must! If you live long enough to do so, that is.

Have you ever contemplated the sound of a saw blade? The noise the blade makes as it chews through meat, maybe even bone. If you haven’t, the friendly family of butchers at Black Orchard Meats will give you plenty of opportunities to contemplate that very sound! You’ll have to concentrate over the screams coming from the rest of the barn, though. One of the most intimidating saws we encountered was a massive chainsaw that moved frighteningly quickly. One of our group members didn’t even realize what was happening until the killsaw was right above his head! They are very fast butchers indeed.

Lighting was also expertly used here. The barn is mostly dark, with just enough light for our group to find our way through. This made the sections of bright light that much more impactful. As we tip-toed across a brightly lit bridge, a butcher jumped in behind us and knocked the lights above our head, and sent them swinging – sending the precious light careening around the space and giving him plenty of cover. Every time we reached the safety of the next light, he sent it swinging. Other scenes included a meat cleaning room with a bathtub (?), caged areas, a fish market, and one that used old, grainy footage playing along with candles to make a space that felt oddly serene and unnerving simultaneously, immediately putting us on edge. We also found the soft red light of a photo processing room perfectly set the shadows to make an uncomfortable scene with light alone, and the flash bulb before it totally ruined our night vision!

The scene designs and details were impressive as well. Details in every room felt unique and special not just to Black Orchard, but to the individual scenes. This was a real barn with real floors and authentic farm equipment. The detailing in the scenes gave the actors ample material to work with, from the part of the story they were telling to props they could wield to scare us; everything worked together to create a stunningly scary experience that also had an interesting story that kept us hooked (thankfully not on a meat hook though!).

Black Orchard is one dark, dingy barn where who-knows-what is lurking just beyond the walls. Judging by some of the folks we ran into outside, we’re pretty sure they aren’t allowed indoors – but that’s a question for another day. What we do know is they tossed in every creepy ingredient to cook up a solid scare!

From surprise distractions to a rousing game of “pass the chainsaw,” we witnessed some serious acts of violence, got hit with mysterious substances, dodged sparks, stumbled through dark spaces, and fittingly faced attempts to chop us up in more ways than one. And let’s not forget the two giant “pets” that nearly made a meal out of us!

Jump scares were mostly aimed at the front of our group, but we had our fair share of stalkers creeping up from behind. A few actors had just the right amount of intimidation to make us step back, and a mix of loud noises and flashing lights disoriented us at nearly every turn. While we appreciate the additional barriers added to break the customer’s line of sight while walking through, we wish that more of them were utilized to conceal the scarers; there were times when they were in plain sight, and they could have been hiding just beyond them. In addition, while the show was interactive, there were times when they had our undivided attention during a creepy performance that could have led to a panic-inducing scare.

Just when we thought we’d escaped… boom – three chainsaw-wielding maniacs came out of nowhere, making sure we felt exactly what those chainsaw bars were like! Watch your limbs – no one gets out unscathed! If you’re a runner, they’ll make you zig and zag your way outta there!

We’d also like to note that we were gently touched, and at least one group member was removed from everyone else briefly, so you could experience some separation – hold on to your group members tight!

Our tour of Black Orchard Meats lasted approximately 23 minutes, bringing the haunt’s MPD (Minutes Per Dollar) score to 0.92. This was very close to the full minute per dollar we typically look for from a haunt and some extra entertainment was included in the form of popular music playing outside and a handful of fun roaming actors. There was also a tarot reader, Natalia, who was on hand offering readings to all who may be interested (who we highly recommend).

Between the shenanigans going on outside, the length of the attraction compared to its base ticket price, the changes that have been made for this season, and the enthusiasm of the cast, every member of our party seemed to enjoy their visit.

Looking for the tastiest meat in Kentucky? You’ll find none fresher than what’s on offer at Black Orchard Haunted House. Stop by and ask for a tour of the barn, but be careful – or you and your group might end up being the next “fine cuts” on the menu!