In today’s edition of Politicians Do the Darndest Things, we have the case of Mayor Henry Joseph and the Haunted Town Hall of Lafayette, Ohio. The mayor started his career in the early 1900s as a paragon of virtue, determined to act benevolently for the benefit of all the townspeople.
He soon became corrupted by something sinister lurking in the town hall building. Abductions, murders, and insane experiments on human subjects stained the city.
The mayor probably also passed a bunch of those stupid laws, like you can’t take your kangaroo out for a walk on Tuesday afternoons if you’re wearing pink boots – but that’s not important right now.
What *is important is that the town hall stands to this day. Strange sounds can be heard from within. Rumors abound that the mayor and other murderous, hateful inhabitants from a century ago still exist there, haunting its corridors in some twisted and spiteful form.
It’s said that Mayor Joseph can’t be stopped. At least not by any conventional means, including a recall or impeachment.
We survived our visit, though, so we can tell you escape is still possible – and after braving a trip inside the hall’s walls, we are casting our vote for Haunted Town Hall as an effectively scary and fun attraction.
A fairly full cohort of creeps and creatures made their home in the town hall that night. There might have been an empty scene or two, but that could have been by design and it was made up for anyway by impressive scenery and the multiples of actors in other sets.
Two and even three characters confronted us in some areas – most notably the redneck cabin, where a chasing chainsaw operator, a burly bumpkin, and a charging bull (!) cornered us, blocked our exit, and discussed in graphic detail what they were going to do to us.
In other rooms, a jailbird screamed convincingly for freedom. A gruesome clown ran at us full tilt and then snipped garden shears in our direction. A janitor, or possibly a plumber, waved a filthy plunger at us and invited us to take a whiff. No, it was not a pleasant aroma.
The rather perplexed doctor seemed put out by their patient, who looked in a bad way. The doctor was searching for a paralyzing agent because the poor patient was making too much noise. Bad news for the Haunted Town Hall ER: the bedside manner question in the customer satisfaction survey gets a big old donut.
High interactivity proved to be the rule. Dialogue ranged from nearly non-existent for more physical or blink-and-they’re-gone characters to extended conversations with chattier types (although a couple of these could have cut off their scenes a bit more crisply) – but whether they were talkers or pouncers, nearly all of them acted with some agency toward us.
Among the talkers, a menacing wacko yelled at us to “Get in the hole!” in reference to a rather deep-looking pit. Some wacky but deadly clowns amused themselves at our expense. And several characters asked if we were having fun (yet) – thanks for being so concerned with our entertainment, and yes, we had lots of fun!
Top marks go to the queue crew. The best costume, of course, had to belong to the ex-mayor – looking resplendent in a bowler and tattered old suit, and further tricked out with contact lenses, John Lennon specs, bloodied chin, and skanky rotten teeth.
Another queue actor wore enormous Frankenstein boots and sported a detailed makeup job fleshed out with fearsome contacts and fiercer fangs. The doorman held court in a dashing Victorian-esque outfit finished off with a top hat and morning jacket, looking like something out of an old Sherlock Holmes movie.
Inside, we ran into many different looks of the mask and makeup persuasion. The best mask belonged to a horned minotaur with a roped nostril ring.
We came across a prisoner in the classic cartoonish black-and-white-striped jail suit, the janitor/plumber in a maintenance jumper, a hideous clown rocking fountainhead pigtails, a monster in striking voodoo-ish skull paint, and a doctor in an emergency situation exemplified by their blood-splashed face and operating gown.
Haunted Town Hall is located in Lafayette, Ohio. GPS delivered us right to the doorstep. The crowd of people around the tall clocktower with eerily lit windows was hard to miss. Free parking can be found on the surrounding streets of this small town. It’s hard to get lost in the small area around the attraction, but we appreciated that the ticketing area was still marked by prominent signage.
Amiable staff members struck up conversations with us and other visitors, and we could tell right away if they worked there either from haunt-logoed clothing or their monster outfits. This is definitely a family affair, right down to the adorable costumed tots making rounds with their staff member parents!
The merchandise booth contains a nice selection of clothing, can koozies, keychains, and more. Affordably priced snacks and beverages can be bought at ticketing. For more substantial fare, there is a food truck on site on a rotating basis – we wolfed down a delectable walking taco the night we were there.
Haunted Town Hall manages a thorough website with online ticketing, calendar, directions, FAQ, backstory, etc. Plus, they keep up a presence on all the key social media networks.
Security-wise, we found a police presence on site. As far as safety inside, we noted the normal obstacles inherent in visiting a haunted attraction. Be careful in the black maze: it’s quite tight and slanted, and we lightly bonked our face once on one of its walls.
This is not an ADA/accessible attraction as there are a lot of stairs, including a very long and steep set of steps at the very end – but in general, they are either pretty well lit or have some kind of glow-in-the-dark marking.
Any real, old building used as the site for a haunt significantly enhances the atmosphere and authenticity before entering, and we were told the original structure here dates from 1899.
Creeptastic lighting around the base and in the windows helped establish a supernatural mood. The doorperson told us a real ghost story about the building. Props like a hearse and a grim reaper figure tweaked the creepiness, aided as well by the roaming actors, which on this evening included a charity group from the Columbus area who dress up as the Ghostbusters and drive around in an Ectomobile!
Inside its halls, the small footprint of this attraction worked in the favor of increased immersion, as scenes followed fast upon each other, we found something new around every corner to hold our attention, actors popped up regularly, and we got goosed with frequent scares. Sets and details seemed realistic enough to boost believability.
We became slightly removed from the experience with the last scene that took a while to gel, as well as a couple instances of not knowing which way to proceed – especially at the beginning of the dark maze – when we had to be helped out by actors. Although some characters referenced the mayor or his doctor lackey who helped carry out abominable experiments, it’s enough for enjoyability to just know the general outline of ‘mayor became possessed and got stabby.’
The exit let us out by the merch kiosk around the corner from the entrance.
Considering the minimal square footage available, we came away impressed by how much the builders managed to squeeze in here. The place was positively packed with props and classic haunt sets.
We went through a torture chamber containing skeleton-filled medieval cages and a hillbilly shack decorated with rustic tools and country-centric accoutrements. The library/study had toppling racks of books and the carnival room’s popcorn machine came stocked with body parts. A graveyard featured skellys shooting out at us and, like some other haunts we’ve seen this year, a tribute to the late, great, rockin’ prince of darkness himself, the one and only Ozzy Osbourne.
We saw a glowing furnace, a gargantuan fuzzy tarantula, and a body pulled apart on a caged wall. The chef’s grotesque main dish presented delicacies like an ear, guts, brains, and an eyeball. We tried to tiptoe around a bottomless pit only to be nudged closer by a moving wall! The voluminous and zesty animatronics included a furry werewolf, a barking attack dog, and a giant rat; they and all the others popped off at the appropriate time.
The crew knew just how to light each scene, best exemplified by a thickly cobwebbed stairway bathed in crimson that made for a most ominous transition area. They then took away the light entirely for the nerve-jangling dark maze, its slantwise angles and constricting walls echoing with creepy whispers and breathing noises – an extraordinarily disorienting and dreadful set which bumped up our heart rates considerably as panic started to seep in.
Sound effects likewise received exemplary treatment. We heard a little bit of everything: thunderous rock music, an old-timey song playing on an antique gramophone, banjo strumming, creepy keyboard music, a real piano played live, electro-crackler shock sticks, buzzers, air cannons, animatronic sounds, recorded groans and whispers, and laser-like pew-pews.
The effects display put on here should be enough to sate any true haunt fan’s appetite for horrific yet yummy eye candy.
21. How scary was it? (35% of score): 8.3
22. How well did they provide scares to everyone in the group? (15% of score): 9.1
23. How predictable were the scares? (25% of score): 8.6
24. How well did they provide a wide variety (types) of scares? (10% of score): 7.2
25. How strong was the ending / finale? (15% of score): 7.4
The not-so-secret fright weapon at Haunted Town Hall? The humble drop window. The first one jarred us out of complacency almost right from the jump, and they popped up regularly during the whole walkthrough. Damned if we didn’t get zinged every time. Kudos to the placement, camouflage, distractions, and timing of the operators to startle us every time with one of the most traditional and time-honored tools from the kit of scare-tricks. Their perfect completion rate would have carried the day to victory for any player in the fantasy haunt league.
Fine jump scares proliferated throughout. Actors leveraged the tight environs and dark corners to hurtle out of hiding, deploy a prop, or emit blood-freezing screams. Several creatures started out sprawled on the ground to initiate a surprising attack. Energetic animatronics also delivered several jittery jolts.
One prolonged and lingering non-jumpy fright came from the dark maze. Its narrow confines, askew positioning, and super creepy recorded whisperings unnerved even the team member usually not prone to claustrophobia.
Speaking of phobias, they also hit on the fears of clowns, arachnids, vermin, snarling dogs, chainsaws, torture, darkness, dismemberment, cannibalism, fire, electricity, imprisonment, backwoods murderers, medical mishaps and body horror, falling from great heights, and graveyards – one of the longer lists we’ve compiled this season!
A somewhat overlong final scene didn’t quite hit the mark in some ways, but had a nicely done scare at the end that did not involve chainsaws …yes, such things apparently exist! When all was said and done, we came out of the exit feeling rather shaken.
Touring the town hall took us a total of 14 minutes. Compared to the $15 cost of general admission, the MPD (minutes per dollar spent) calculation came out to 0.93, a hair under the 1.0 ratio we typically use as a benchmark.
The ticket price itself is at a remarkably affordable price point, compared to most other haunts. And given the entertainment inside, represents a favorable value proposition.
Their fast pass option is priced at $30. The Speakeasy, a 5-minute mini-escape room with 1920s decor based on the illegal booze joints from America’s Prohibition Era, costs $7. We tried it out; each minute that went by, the coppers would make increasingly volatile threats to bust down the door and roust us …but we made it out just as time expired! Take that, ya dirty flatfoots! A haunt-and-escape-room combo is $20, and a fast pass combo goes for $35.
Enjoy a group rate of just $12 each for groups of 10 or more. Contact the haunt if you have 20+ so they can better accommodate your visit.
They say you can’t fight city hall, but why would you want to in this case? Go with it and have some scary fun. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em – but not for real. No need to actually make it be forever, when waiting at the bureaucracy already feels like an eternity!
103 S High Street, Lafayette, Ohio 45854