Famed architect Le Corbusier described a house as a machine for living in. So does that mean a haunted house is a machine for getting frightened in? If so, The Scream Machine has got the perfect name!
There is quite a backstory going on at this haunt; one of those that changes and gets added to year by year. Back when the place started, Dr. Strach, a brilliant but twisted neurologist fascinated by fear, developed the titular device to perform terrible experiments on human subjects and study their phobias. He set up shop in an abandoned asylum after being ostracized by the medical community. The meta-conceit was that visitors to the haunt are actually guinea pigs for testing in the Machine.
Strach was eventually stopped and killed by some rivals who play a big part in today’s iteration of The Scream Machine: High Priestess Deianira, a powerful entity of death and entropy, and Madame Clarise, a scientist/alchemist/naturalist whom Strach abducted for experimentation, causing her to go mad. Meanwhile, the Machine itself seems to be growing and evolving into some sort of awful AI evilness.
This year’s theme is called The Coven Is Calling. The characters are involved in a plot to drain the life force from visitors and divert it to nefarious witchery. The walkthrough is one continuous indoor experience separated into four sections: Hawthorne Manor, the seat of Deianira’s power; Woodmere Cemetery, a ghoulish graveyard full of dark spirits and zombies; Thistlewood Sanitorium, the doctor’s old stronghold turned into Madame Clarise’s domain; and the Corrupted Ward, part of the asylum where the energy siphoning occurs.
That’s some story, but did it translate to an effective haunt experience? We’ve got a clinical report here on the test results from when your intrepid pioneers of fears (that’s us) traveled into The Scream Machine.
The splendid cast here did a delightful job. Featured players really sank their teeth into theatrical presentations of their characters: playing with accents, delivering exposition, going big, but embodying a thought-out approach resulting in fleshed-out characterizations.
These major roles comprised the most impressive of our visit and gave us extended entertaining interactions: the opening room maid/servant who set the tone with an extravagant personality and an infectious cackle; High Priestess Deianira fed us info on the dead doctor and her partner in crime, the overlord of the asylum, before leading us in a chant over her smoking cauldron and cutting up with snappy comebacks when we resisted; a cemetery dignitary who declared we would “make a perfect snack for my zombies!”; Madame Clarise, imperiously dissing Doctor Strach; RattMan, the kitchen worker lording over a disgusting buffet and oversharing that “I can smell your dookie juice.” You just get to hear the damndest things in haunts.
The large ensemble also comprised those with less face time, and they made their mark when it came time for their turn in the spotlight. We were amused by an attacker who came at us with an old-fashioned hand-cranked egg beater, felt threatened by a hulking zombie in the cemetery, and stood stunned when a concerned bystander pointed in our faces and screamed “Witch! Witch!” over and over.
The Scream Machine achieved substantial success in the costuming area. All the monsters we saw outside or in the queue looked great. Those included a stilts-walking wraith with gruesome teeth and skinned-over eyes, a spectre in black with something of a cracking porcelain-ish mask, and a figure in brown topped with an oversized and horned skull.
Deianira’s appearance looked sick as hell, featuring ghastly white and black makeup with a mystical symbol marked on the forehead, blackened teeth, striking contact lenses, a thorny headdress, filthy taloned fingers, and a stately but distressed frilly gown, with garish streaks of red setting off the mostly monochromatic palette.
Some of these same creatures also appeared inside, and their colleagues in the attraction were done up well for their scenes. We came across dirtied-up mental patients in healthcare gowns, someone with a rotted face stuck in a furnace, a collection of animal-faced humanoids in the asylum, a bloodied security guard, an old man in coveralls that we took to be the estate’s gardener, perhaps, and many more characters.
The Scream Machine is located in Taylor, Michigan, part of the Detroit metro area. The building appeared to be a kind of storefront, and the free parking lot reflected that. Look for a sign near the top of the building. Costumed characters and attendants welcomed us at the driveway.
Staff were helpful, friendly, and readily identified by their clothing. We found all elements of the attraction to be clearly marked and easily found. Walkthrough obstacles consisted only of the usual minor things like uneven flooring, step-through sections, etc.
The Scream Machine has interfaced with our digital world to produce an information-packed website containing everything that bio-units of experimental fodder, er, we mean patrons, need for a visit. The major social channels are covered as well.
Once we got inside, dark corridors, eerie lighting, well-placed props, and quite a cool facade got us properly prepared to enter the manor.
The first room set a precedent for what was to come. The lovely, classic haunted mansion look combined with the demonstrative actor and a quick scare to let us know we were in good hands. That led into the high priestess’ room, and we were off and running.
Wonderful sets, creatively employed effects, quick pacing, and confident actors determined to sell their characters kept us dialed in for the lion’s share of the attraction. A few minor missteps pulled us back out, such as noticeable sound bleed from scene to scene and part of the cemetery floor looking like kitchen tiles. We got filled in on the main players of the storyline along the way, but reading about ‘the story so far’ on the website definitely helped.
The exit led us into an area containing the merch shop and escape rooms. The rage room is around the front of the building.
We loved the look and feel of this place. Fine detailing, superlative construction, and a unified sense of art design made for an excellent presentation. It was just gorgeous. To go over some highlights:
Black tendrils covering the walls demonstrated the reach of Deianira’s wicked dominion. The fantastic cemetery wowed us with artfully placed illuminated lanterns, a giant demon face with red glowing eyes on the side of a crypt, and an evocatively dark and insidious chapel where sinister, robed figures sat in a pew. Madame Clarise’s chamber was jaw-droppingly detail-intensive, the table in front of her filled with goodies like animal bones, vials and potions, a purple blob of eyeballs, books and parchment, and an evil tome of forbidden knowledge with an eye right in the middle of its cover.
A series of creepy kids’ rooms looked just right for murderous little tots to hide in. A torso shot out of a bed, from under which big clawed hands clutched at us. A giant rat enjoyed the confines of a bathtub. The awesome walk-in freezer held icicles and cold fog. RattMan’s gross dishes included thoroughly nasty-looking “maggoty meatballs” and “cock-a-roach casserole.” And the rollicking hellevator, good lord! Billed as a teleportation chamber, this thing had to be the most violently rocking one we’ve ever been rolled around in.
Not much soundtrack music was played when we were there. We heard nighttime bug noises, recorded voices, bleeping instruments in a medical room, the shock of sparking tools, and air cannons. As noted in Immersion, considerable sound bleed could be heard from other parts of the haunt. Otherwise, the effects endeavors here were totally top-of-the-line.
21. How scary was it? (35% of score): 8.4
22. How well did they provide scares to everyone in the group? (15% of score): 8.9
23. How predictable were the scares? (25% of score): 8.6
24. How well did they provide a wide variety (types) of scares? (10% of score): 8.7
25. How strong was the ending / finale? (15% of score): 7.1
We yelled aloud quite a bit. Classic techniques like drop windows, distractions, pathing patterns, and tricky design that allowed for multiple scare attempts one on top of the other for a single actor made us ripe for frightening.
The fabulous effects and deep set design helped immensely, and animatronics and props like the bed torso and grasping hands we noted in Special FX carried a good part of the load.
The first cemetery zombie kept coming back for more, zapping us three times in less than a minute as it kept popping out of hidden doors. The muskrat creature in the hellevator that appeared out of the darkness, and the boisterous bouncing around of the contraption itself, had us cowering and yelping. It was moving around so much, we thought we were going to get thrown down in there!
These were but a few of the frights we weathered. The biggest scare of the night came courtesy of the old ‘sneaky appearance at the car window’ trick after we exited and prepared to leave the lot. Well played, silent spectre. That has not been pulled on us in years!
We screamed through this malevolent machine in 19 minutes. Against the general admission of $33, it made for an MPD (minutes per dollar ratio) of 0.58. That is quite lower than our standard benchmark of 1.0.
But as we were reminded throughout our weekend tour of Detroit haunts after several years away, it’s more or less the going rate in the area. Considering this is one of the more entertaining and great-looking attractions we’ve been through this year, and we’ve done some doozies thus far, it’s still a pretty good value.
Prices range from $25-36, so for a much higher value, you should – if possible – time your trip for one of the weekdays when the lowest cost is charged. See the online calendar for details. Add $12 for fast pass. Group ticket pricing is available for 15 or more; contact the haunt in advance.
The Scream Machine will host a lights-on trick or treating event for kids on Sunday, 10/19 ($10) and a blackout show on Saturday, 11/1 ($33). Off-season events include a Christmastime show and being part of the Halfway to Halloween Expo in Ann Arbor.
The Scream Machine boasts two five-minute mini-escape rooms (we tried the clown-themed one and didn’t do as lousy as usual), and rage rooms ‘with a twist’ branded as Shattered. We didn’t get to see it live, but apparently, the twist is that you get to chuck pucks at breakables instead of getting up close and personal while wielding baseball bats and such. We’ve done a regular rage room and had a blast with it, so we figure this one should be tons of fun too. Check the attraction’s website for pricing and other details.
Will you become a dried husk to feed the forces of black magic or survive to find the exit? Test yourself against The Scream Machine!
25710 Northline Rd, Taylor, Michigan 48180