We parked along the curb in the heart of downtown Des Moines, city lights bouncing off the windshield. Before we even got out, a filthy man strolled by with a grimy mop slung over his shoulder like he was fresh off cleaning up something we didn’t want to know about. As a few more creepy-lookin’ fellers wandered past (no offense), we figured this had to be the right place – The Slaughterhouse Haunted Attraction.
Now celebrating its 13th season, The Year of Crimson comes with a warning: watch for the horns… and the hooves. Hidden beneath downtown Des Moines, this sinister slaughterhouse sits buried in the basement of an unassuming building – a twisted secret beneath the city lights. You’d never guess what waits down there…
The Slaughterhouse is home to the Biggs clan: Trig, Lefty, and a whole mess of blood-soaked kinfolk who’ve turned butchery into a family tradition. Down in their underground domain, guests aren’t just visitors; they’re potential stock for the chopping block. Every corridor felt like a descent into their deranged dinner prep, where “family time” means someone’s on the menu, and it was about to be us!
Once inside, the chaos was unleashed. The air was thick with anxiety, fear, and the scent of blood, and the scares hit like a sledgehammer from every direction! Intimidation ran rampant as we dodged crazed creatures, unholy butchers, and who-knows-what else lurking in the dark. Every corner dripped with dread, and by the time we clawed our way back into the night, we were gasping for breath and questioning our life choices!
So tighten those bootstraps, get ready to squeal, and maybe, just maybe, bring a spare pair of big girl panties. You’re gonna need ’em down there.
Holy heck… what did we walk into? From the moment we parked, The Slaughterhouse made it clear that this wasn’t going to be your average night of frights. We weren’t just visiting; we were being hunted.
This cast was everywhere! Unpredictable, unhinged, and unbelievably interactive! They were one of the most energetic groups we’ve encountered all season. Before we could even descend into the madness below, we were ambushed by Lefty Biggs (the local legend himself), a vampire wrangler with his pet bat, Preacher, and a man frantically searching for his dog… in the business next door’s window (We genuinely feel bad for whoever has to clean those windows).
Inside, the chaos only escalated. Each character had their own twisted personality and dialogue, and not just random screams or roars. One opera-singing fiend contorted in a wheelchair before slinking backward toward us while serenading our demise. A disheveled drifter crooned in a language lost to sanity. A dark ride cart operator sang a haunting “Ring Around the Rosie” as he rolled us through, and a taunting madman in the maze hurled threats our way while another spun us through the vortex.
They called us “piggies” a lot, fitting perfectly with the slaughterhouse theme.
From grotesque to grimy, The Slaughterhouse’s wardrobe was as unpredictable as its cast. No two monsters looked alike, and that made the chaos all the more convincing.
We spotted everything from dirt-caked hard hats and industrial uniforms to tattered jumpsuits, ripped rags, and twisted clown attire. Faces were smeared with grease paint, grime, and even blood, giving the impression that every creature had crawled straight out of the slaughter floor. A few wore colored contacts that made their stares even more unsettling, while others sported neon makeup that matched the vortex and surrounding scenes perfectly.
Several masks stood out, too, including one ghostly white design, a hauntingly realistic crimson spirit, and a gruesome character with an exposed brain. Some creations were unlike anything we’ve seen before! We also caught glimpses of a robed monk, a broken doll face, and a scaly green creature whose skin detail was incredible, even if the outfit it was paired with felt a little out of place.
To top it off, a few wielded weapons like saws and mallets that made their characters feel even more dangerous. As for standouts, the sewer rat with its long tail and Scab the Clown both stole the spotlight with unforgettable looks that perfectly embodied the haunt’s gritty, grimy theme.
Oh, and whatever you do, do not smell Preacher’s mop he carries around!
The Slaughterhouse sits right in the heart of downtown Des Moines, and unlike the slaughtering, parking is self-service. We were lucky enough to snag a street spot right out front, but if you’re not sure where to stop, just look for the white Slaughterhouse truck and a street full of madmen – they tend to stand out among the city crowd. We did notice a few parking garages nearby.
From the moment we arrived, we were greeted by friendly staff who quickly pointed us in the right direction. Line flow was handled efficiently, and we really appreciated that the door and queue staff used microphones so they could be heard over the constant buzz of the busy waiting area.
Navigating the attraction itself was simple. While there are a few steps inside, we didn’t notice any trip hazards or safety concerns. Once we emerged from the chaos, more smiling faces were waiting in the gift shop to answer questions and chat about the experience. It’s always nice to end a nightmare on a friendly note.
Finding information online was also a breeze, with up-to-date details on dates, times, and ticketing. One improvement we’d love to see would be a more detailed FAQ section covering common questions like whether the haunt involves touching, whether it’s indoor or outdoor, and what accessibility options are available.
We aren’t kidding when we say The Slaughterhouse brought the vibe right to the streets! Before we even parked, Lefty was already on the move, spotting our car and heading straight for us. The second we rolled the window down, he was fully in character, chatting, taunting, and setting the tone for the chaos to come. (He even greeted us again when we left – clearly not ready to let us go!) It was hard to drive away; we could’ve talked to him all night.
From the street, The Slaughterhouse had an almost sleeper look – just another basement-level business in downtown Des Moines. But that illusion didn’t last long. The large white Slaughterhouse truck out front and the decorated queue area gave off the perfect haunting vibe, and the queue actors sealed the deal. They were hilarious and relentless, blending quick scares, witty banter, and playful intimidation that made the wait fly by.
Once we plunged down the staircase, immersion hit full throttle. We found ourselves in a sketchy alleyway that felt a little too real, and from there, things only got wilder. We dodged swinging bodies, stumbled into a giant spider’s lair, and even hitched a ride on a cart – The Slaughterhouse’s own twisted take on a dark ride. Some scenes felt a bit more polished than others, and a few transitions were abrupt, but overall, it truly felt like we’d been taken captive by the Biggs family and thrown into their bloody domain.
The Slaughterhouse does have a whole backstory, and they even sell a book about it in the gift shop, but it would’ve been great to get more of a taste of that lore while waiting in line.
The effects at The Slaughterhouse were downright wild, literally! They consisted of a chaotic mix of realism, creativity, and pure madness. From filthy alleyways that smelled as rough as they looked to disgusting urinals and a convincingly rickety elevator, every turn had us second-guessing what was real. Then came the clever cart/dark ride – complete with swinging doors that burst open as our cart slammed through them!
The set design was overflowing with detail: giant sausages hung from hooks, mannequins wore Slipknot-style masks, and heaps of bodies piled up like last night’s leftovers. Sound effects tied it all together – deep, bassy heartbeats, monstrous roars, flatlining patients, and distant screams that echoed through the halls. And those larger-than-life creatures? Let’s just say being nearly swallowed by a giant snake, alligator, and an animatronic puppet that sprang to life made us squeal louder than we’d like to admit!
21. How scary was it? (35% of score): 9.25
22. How well did they provide scares to everyone in the group? (15% of score): 9.5
23. How predictable were the scares? (25% of score): 9
24. How well did they provide a wide variety (types) of scares? (10% of score): 9
25. How strong was the ending / finale? (15% of score): 7.5
This place led us in just like pigs to the slaughter! Just when we thought the filthy alleyway filled with deranged vagrants and that plummeting elevator shaft were wild enough, they insisted we hop aboard that manually pushed cart – straight into more terror, of course. There was no escape!
The hellevator was intense, and there were moments of claustrophobia, while shock sticks, drop panels, and sudden blasts of air kept us jumping nonstop. Loud horns blared, gore covered the walls, and we were constantly handed off from one actor to the next, resulting in a seamless tag-team of torment that never let up. The giant boar attack, dark corridors, and poppers made sure our nerves didn’t stand a chance. At one point, we genuinely thought a massive spiked wall was going to crush us!
The finale wrapped things up effectively, though an extra burst of sound, or a hidden actor popping out after the large grabber, could elevate the ending even more. Still, The Slaughterhouse delivered a brutal, relentless barrage of scares that had us squealing all the way out the door!
The Slaughterhouse Haunted Attraction was absolutely worth the ride. It was like a great horror movie: chaotic, creative, and downright unforgettable. Even the wait was a show of its own, featuring a queue-line screen, lively actors, and music that kept the energy high.
Tickets were $40.22 online (with fees) for a Saturday night, but be sure to check their site for the most up-to-date time slots and pricing.
Once we wrapped up the safety rules, our crazy train of a journey through The Slaughterhouse lasted about 23 and a half minutes, and there wasn’t a dull second of it. That brings their MPD (minutes of entertainment received per dollar spent) to 0.58. While this is quite a bit below the average of 1 that we see most often, the quality of entertainment and scares found here more than makes up for it! After all, “you can’t have slaughter without laughter!”
If you’re after an intense, in-your-face haunt where the scares are as unique as the meat they’re serving, this one’s for you. Oh, and… Happy Halloweener!
500 Locust Street, Des Moines, Iowa 50309
