The cast was high-energy, high-impact, high-awesomeness. They made us feel threatened, intimidated, confused, scared, scorned, amused, and highly entertained! Many of the maniacs punctuated their performance with an effective silent stare-down or by calling out a final zinger after we had left their area. It was an interactive, engaging bunch that made it difficult to single out anyone – so we are just going to call out a whole lot of them here:
The tittering mad doctor asked if we enjoyed the screams of their bleeding victim and announced that everything up to that point had been an easy-to-swallow hors d’oeuvre to the dark maze leading out of the lab. In that maze, a cheerful creature asked for help finding its cat. We found it, all right …by accident while feeling around blindly on the walls, yuck. Dirty trick!
A possessed person snarled and whooped while crawling around on the walls. The witch commanded us trespassers to leave or get fed to spiders, then laughed wickedly. A couple of heavy metalhead psychos chased us around, acting crazy, screaming, and cutting off our escape routes. A crab walker and a phantom silently followed us. We got creeped out from a swamp lizard making a croaky rattle noise.
A diner waitress repeatedly told us to “straighten out your puckered-up poop shooter” and ordered us forward to go seek out daddy-brother and mama-cousin, noting that the family tree of their degenerate country clan went straight up and down with no branches! The crematory attendant/cook commanded us to jump up on the platform sliding into the furnace, declaring “it only hurts a lot,” and thanked us for visiting the family barbecue – where everybody gets cooked.
A cannibal clown, in tones suggesting an unholy marriage between Pennywsie and Heath Ledger’s Joker, moped that they were the only one in the funhouse since “the incident.” Turned out the incident was the clown eating everyone else because humans taste so much more flavorful than normal meat. Fair enough, cannibal clown, fair enough. Makes sense to us …um, maybe we’ve been doing this haunt reviewing thing too long?
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