Dead Acres Haunted Hoochie Review (2018)

There was no shortage of vile individuals in the Hoochie (that sounds bad, giggity). It felt as if there was some sick, twisted person in every corner, room, wall, and ceiling, waiting to assault us. We felt the number of actors provided a high intensity to this haunt, allowing very little downtime – or opportunities to catch our breath – before the next wave of characters came upon us.

There were diverse characters throughout the attraction that fit the room/scene they were in. As we traversed through the haunt, we came across certain rooms that provided action sequences. They were interactive with the group and usually produced some horrific atrocities to another actor in the scene. The actors stayed in character and provided a convincing intimidation to us as we were pushed through the attraction.

Aside from being cursed at, pushed or hit, there was not much additional interaction. The haunt feels very frantic, moving from scene to scene, room to room with no wasted time. It reminded me of a horror montage. One large, sweaty individual placed his arm around me and asked how my day was and where I was from. As I began to reply, he told me he did not give a [expletive deleted] and pushed me on my way. There was a cross-dressing nun who put holy water on us in the chapel area… at least I hope that’s what it was. In some scenes, the actors tried to pump us up again (as if we really needed any more adrenaline), or tried to get a reaction with some political banter. The residents here preferred to communicate in profane and lewd ways. Most of the dialogue included four-letter words.

The Hooch provided an onslaught of characters from the start of the show. Before entering the haunt, there were a few entertainers on hand. A large dirty hillbilly prowled the lines, as well as a fire eater who also slid along the wooden stage, scaring and making fun of people. Later, a creepy jester came out. Once the haunt “officially started,” a few clowns were introduced and two ladies in tutus and bathing suits and a cross-dressing nun yelled obscenities at everyone. Once inside the haunt, we experienced more-demented hosts, ranging from suicidal people, an impregnated woman with a demon child, soldiers with firearms, cult members, creepy clowns, an individual with a ‘thing’ for bestiality, and many, many, foul-mouthed psychopaths… not to mention the individuals popping out from every corner so quickly our brains could not process who they were. Bad Trip in 3-D, once again, had no shortage of freaks, all of which were clowns… creepy clowns.

Entering “Haunted Hoochie” in Google maps on my phone pulled up the location with ease. Coming from Pittsburgh, we had little trouble. As we arrived at the location, the GPS advised that the haunt was arriving on our right. As we approached, we didn’t see anything. Then… we saw the sign… on the ground. About two feet by two feet in size, the sign read “Haunted Hoochie.” It was hard to see sitting on the ground beside a dirt path driveway. By that time, it was too late to make the turn down the driveway leading to the parking lot, but a quick U-turn had us heading back to the entrance.

As we proceeded, we saw a sign stating parking is $3 cash or $3.50 credit card. I did not see this on the website. I may have missed it with all the more “exciting” info provided. The haunt opens at 7:00 and we arrived early at 7:04 p.m. We paid the young lady for parking. There were five cars ahead of us and about six already parked. It took 14 minutes for us to drive into the lot. In that time we counted 16 cars behind us backed onto the road. Then the girl taking the money came up to us again and pulled out her money. We were thinking she was going to give a refund for the amount of time we sat. Nope, she asked for $3.00 for parking. We informed her that we had already paid (14 minutes earlier). She apologized. Once we parked, we followed the other individuals. Hopefully this was just a fluke and not a common occurrence.

The walk to the ticket booth was outdoors on uneven ground. Nothing really dangerous or uncommon for haunts. There were plenty of porta-potties around the waiting area. The ticket booth did sit further back from the haunt and was a little confusing to find. It was in a large barn with a large skeleton and dead animals hanging from the ceiling.

Warning signs were posted all around. Surprisingly, there were no waivers to sign like we have seen in other extreme haunts; just a sign at the ticket booth telling you that you can be hurt in many different ways and, by purchasing a ticket, they are not responsible for anything that happens. Basically stating, if you buy a ticket and get hurt, they are not responsible.

The ladies at the ticket booth were very nice. I also purchased a shot glass for my collection. I asked what the possibility of it breaking in my pocket during the haunt might be and they thought it would be fine, they then asked what the possibility would be of me placing a tip in their tip jar. Well played…

There was a concession stand with drinks and snacks, but we did not partake in any snacks or drinks.

Their website provides a lot of information about the haunt. You can purchase tickets online, look at the rules, FAQ’s, purchase merchandise and see some awesome pictures.

In the parking lot, there is not much to see because trees hide the haunt. Walking through the opening between the trees there is still not much to see. Music fills the area… an odd mix… theme songs from tv shows, popular music, and metal. There are funny signs and warning signs hanging on a fence to the left. On our right, near some picnic tables, a building with large, menacing skulls houses Bad Trip in 3-D, and the concession stand sits in front.

Once past the fence, the Ticket Barn is straight ahead with a yellow neon sign. To the right is the main haunt… and it doesn’t look like much – a huge outdoor waiting area, a wooden stage, and a building with a silo.

We got in line at 7:32. At this time, not much was going on. Looking around, I was surprised by the amount of younger people in the audience. Kids from the age of ten and up were in line. As this was an R-Rated haunt and so extreme, I was a little concerned that either they should not have been at this haunt… or this haunt was not as racy as we had heard. About 50 people were ahead of us. In the waiting area, there were some animal skulls on the house and stage. The fire-eater came out around 7:45, but didn’t do much. As darkness fell, the 3-D barn lit up green and the skulls glowed red. At 8:37 a screen on the house turned on and played a video of Donald Trump.

A recent complaint I have read online is about the haunt stating their political stance. In my opinion, it’s their business and they can do whatever they want. They want to be controversial. The video played clips of Trump and his agenda. It then got into videos of 9/11 and conspiracy theories surrounding it. It was a bit chilling watching the 9/11 footage with airplanes flying overhead in the same line of sight as the video. My main complaint was that the sound system sounded horrible. It was hard to understand the video, as it was too loud and muffled. Around this time, the fire eater came out into the crowd and did some cool demonstrations. The jester and two hillbillies joined in on harassing the crowd.

About 5 minutes later there was some commotion a few rows back in line. A person was laying on the ground and the police were standing around them. I am not sure if they jumped over a rope and fell or passed out. A few minutes later, an ambulance came and took the person. Hopefully they are ok. Right around this time an individual came out on stage whom I believe to be the owner and provided some rules and then the show started.

The music turned up, the stage opened, fire came from the building and a girl in a bikini was dancing in a cage. It felt similar to the Titty Twister bar in the movie From Dusk Till Dawn. The characters on the stage were pumping us up by yelling obscenities at the crowd and throwing glow bracelets out to the audience.

At 8:55 people started going through the haunt. As we waited, the videos started playing music videos that really had nothing to do with Halloween or horror. The caged girl kept dancing and switched out with another dancer in pasties. Then a music video came on with videos of Hitler and Nazis… looks like they are really looking to offend as many people as possible. By 9:12 we were entering the haunt. Two-plus hours is not a bad wait for a haunt, especially since I heard wait times can reach four-plus hours. We were pumped up but it felt more like a Rob Zombie concert then your typical haunt.

There is so much going on in this haunt! The Hoochie really packs in the effects and detail even more than it packs in the people. There is so much to see that it really is a shame how fast they push you through.

Once the first scene ends, the music blares and we get pushed into the next area. The majority of the “kill/torture porn” scenes have a loud metal music soundtrack. Other areas have music and sounds that match as well.

Also after the first scene, it becomes a near non-stop spiral into the unknown until you reach the next death play to catch your breath for a minute. This is where you get shoved into a room like cattle to watch a horrific scene of violence and blood. Then it’s time to “move your fu@&ing a$$.” It seems that every area is a larger, more outlandish, eccentric, and over-the-top version of what you have seen at other haunts.

The rooms were extremely detailed. Each area had a unique feel. There were stone walls and crypts, cavernous areas with snakes and spiders, a jungle with military personnel, a crashed airplane, a cemetery, a chapel with a flaming pentagram, and so much more. Each area immersing you into a new world of torment then quickly ripping you into the next, like flipping through the channels on a television and each click is another horror movie. My main complaint is that there was so much to take in and admire, but because of the chaotic nature, you can’t take it all in and appreciate it.

The bad trip in 3-D was the more tame experience. There were a decent amount of actors, but not like the Hoochie. The rooms were painted with bright fluorescent paint that glowed from the black lights, thus providing a “trippy” effect. Carnival and metal music blasted throughout. The 3-D glasses provide the illusion that the paint on the walls and props are moving and provide a depth that is not really there. At one point, bubbles filled the air, which was a different effect. All in all, nothing we had not seen before.

Going into the Haunted Hoochie, we were wondering what the theme would be’. and what is a haunted hoochie? Ha, the looks you get when you tell people you are going to the Haunted Hoochie that have no clue what it is… priceless.

Hoochie has several different meanings; illegal alcohol, a woman’s body part, a slutty women, and a blues song about hoodoo and magic. After our experience, I would say it is a place of illicit, promiscuous, hoodoo magic.

There is no single theme to the Hoochie; as stated prior, there are numerous themes being held together by a common thread of WOW! Wow moments of “did you see that?” and “did they just do that?” This is a Quentin Tarintino movie with ADHD. An amalgamation of your worst nightmares in one place cranked up to eleven.

The Bad trip in 3-D throws you into a bad acid trip, or so I have been told. Apparently, when you are “tripping balls,” you see clowns, bright colors, large insects, demons, giant moving eyeballs, and hear heavy metal music? In our opinion, it was more of a carnival/circus gone wrong in 3-D. The 3-D was a cool effect that we have seen before many times. They did a good job with the detail and the colors of paint to produce a good effect. We have seen this effect done poorly before and it does make a difference. A few of the props stood out, especially the giant eyeball and the bubble machine.

The Hoochie packs in plenty of scares and OH SH!T moments throughout. Terror comes at you from all angles. Just when you recover from one scare, boom, someone or something pops out of nowhere. The scares are not just from the actors; there are animatronics galore and very impressive ones we might add – some of the best we have seen.

Something that we have seen more of this year is gigantic animatronics (ten-plus feet tall), and the Hoochie has them too. They are large and foreboding. Impressively-detailed and realistic demons, monsters, dragons and more are waiting for you in this attraction, including a bear rug that comes to life. There may be a vehicle or three that will attempt to run you over and scare you and blast its loud horn.

The scares are not all “boo scares.” There are completely dark areas testing your nerves as you cannot see what is lurking in the blackness, along with strobe lights and fog to mess with your senses. People with arachnophobia will not enjoy certain areas, or those with ophidiophobia (snakes).

The-in-your-face, F.U. attitude of the actors has you questioning if they are really just acting. Guns being pointed and shot at us was not a comforting feeling, nor where the chainsaws (yes… plural; they like them A LOT) running up your leg, or back, or… crotch. Then there are the gross-out factors or shock moments. Suicides, decapitation, anal drilling, animal fornication, and sacrifices should make you uncomfortable at least once.

The Hoochie did a great job of attacking everyone, and we do mean “attacking” the whole group. We were in the middle of a group of 10, which later caught up to another group. However, I still received plenty of scares which I never saw coming.

Back to attacks, you will get grabbed, shoved, pulled, pushed, hit with weapons, touched, have things rubbed on you, get hit with a dead fetus and may even get a wet willy. The ending of the Hooch was a little bland compared to the rest of the show.

The bad trip in 3-D was not as scary. There were definitely some jump scares and surprises, but nothing like the Hoochie. The detail was exceptional and the props were on point. This followed suit with the Hoochie with a lackluster climax… giggity. However, when you leave haunt you will likely not be telling your friends about this attraction… just the Hoochie.

If you are not easily offended and looking for a unique experience, then you will definitely be entertained. With a more party/concert vibe than a traditional haunt, it provides a different energy and a different take on the haunted house genre. I would say it is not for everyone, as I imagine some traditionalists would consider this a torture attraction and not a haunted attraction.

Personally, we enjoy all types of haunts from traditional to the extreme. I feel they have enough elements to meet everyone’s needs. Once you enter the doors of the Hoochie, it is a thrilling, drag race of fear, gore, and disbelief.

It took eighteen minutes to complete. When we emerged from the bowels of the Hoochie, it was a “WTF did we just experience?” moment. Bad Trip in 3-D clocked in at six minutes, making a total haunt time of 24 minutes. Tickets cost $25 for general admission and $45 for a fast pass. Just shy of a dollar a minute is about average for most haunts we have experienced this year. If we lived nearby, we would definitely place this on our yearly list, but since it is a three-hour drive for a 24-minute haunt, we will probably wait a few seasons before returning.

It is definitely an experience we suggest at least once; perhaps a good idea would be to plan out a few other haunts in the area as we did. The haunt definitely feels bigger than it looks and, they have so much packed inside, I do not know how the roof has not blown out and produced a downpour of blood and a hail of body parts. Perhaps the next time we arrive, it will have given them time to add on and create bigger, more badass, and disgusting environments to scare the Hell out of us with.