House of Anguish at the Culbertson Mansion Review (2024)

My adventure through this fiendish freakshow began when a clown with a rather deformed-looking face and a pointy hat led me through a foggy graveyard. When I asked what had happened to them, they replied with a sad expression: “The owner didn’t like me.” Awww… at least they got to show me their collection of coffins, and each with their own name! The Ringmaster himself, Eugene LaGriffe, waited for me atop the stairs of the carriage house. He provided a rundown of what to expect from his show, and warned that what I might experience would “shock, disgust, and terrify” me… to my core! How optimistic. While I made my way through the show, several clowns- some looking more or less normal, and some… well… not so much- popped out around me or trailed along behind me with eerie giggles and sharp cackles. A voice calling “Lilllllyyyyy, where ARE you?” from up ahead made me apprehensive about meeting whoever “Lily” was. I soon found out she was one of two hideous conjoined twins when she was rolled out on a table, scolded, and then sent back from whence she came. If only she had remained there… I found her and her sister later on and unfortunately for me, they weren’t quite conjoined anymore. “Fix us!” they implored in screechy, high-pitched voices. Believe me, there was no fixing those freaky faces!

True to the Ringmaster’s word, things only got worse the further I went. A masked clown stalked me for a considerable length of the house, growling all the while. (Why the heck is a clown growling? I’m the wolf, I do all the growling!) Eventually, I stumbled upon Glorbo, another freak who was- thankfully- trapped in a cage. Giggling wickedly, she mentioned she was hungry and wanted some of my flesh. I offered her the girls upstairs instead. Some horrible groaning thing with a HANDsome face, along with large, fleshy tendrils that had replaced one of their hands, chased after me when I rightfully fled at the sight of them. Amidst their bizarre noises, they mustered up enough speech to request my help with feeding someone or something I didn’t catch so they could “grow big and strong!” They were all so convinced I was going to help them. At that point I was just trying to help myself… get to the exit as quickly as possible.

Ah – but where was Anguish in this crazy circus? Rest assured: that demon was overseeing it all like he always does, and he definitely found me before my run under the Big Top was over!

Part circus, part sideshow, most of the macabre marvels I encountered were appropriate for the haunt’s current storyline. There were several clowns in various outfits and colors, all wearing either creepy masks or sporting nice clown paint. The conjoined twins wore dresses and freaky fleshy masks with blank eyes and a smile carved into them, or so it seemed from afar… I had zero intention of getting any closer than I did. Our “hand”some friend in the paragraph above wore a mask that made it seem like a hand- maybe the one replaced by the tendrils?- was fused to their face, and the tendril accessory was a glove the actor could flex to move them like fingers. At least one character was sporting SFX lenses to turn their eyes different colors. A few of the clowns had squeaky horns for both realism and quick scares.

Other than the twins, who were easily the creepiest creations in the house, Anguish’s new look was the best. In addition to his iconic demon mask and claws, he wore a dapper coat that was befitting of a Ringmaster on its own… and a nod to who was truly pulling the strings here.

Never been to the Culbertson before? Fear not – that great yellow mansion was lit up and easy to spot from a car. Parking was free on the street or in the gravel lot behind the property (over the railroad tracks). An illuminated sign bearing the haunt’s name was hung up outside of the mansion with an arrow directing customers to the back. The longer yellow tent on the right was the line, while the square one to the left was the ticket stand. A ticket runs $18 and everyone waits in the same line here, so plan ahead if you’re looping them in with other haunts in a night. In addition to tickets, shirts with the new House of Anguish logo were available for purchase.

I wanted to drop a big shout-out to the HoA team here: they’ve launched a new website and not only can you easily purchase tickets and find their calendar on it, but it’s also got pretty much anything else you’d want to know about the attraction. The FAQs cover all important questions and they’ve even included the backstory for their icon character Anguish, along with some photos from prior seasons.

Watch your step while roaming the grounds. It can get dark back there and you will find spots where it’s difficult to keep your footing. The foggy graveyard leading to the carriage house can be a touch difficult to navigate, even with an actor guiding you, and there are some points in the house where the ceiling is low enough for a tall guest to knock their head if they aren’t careful.

Beyond gaggles of terrified teens running like hell from the chainsaw maniac, there wasn’t a lot happening on the grounds out back. The line tent did have some decor to remind guests they were at a haunted house. Carved pumpkins glowed from a table and one side of the tent, and red and white striped flags hung overhead. Eerie music played in the background as excited groups chattered while waiting their turn. The aforementioned chainsaw actor was pulling double duty between attacking fleeing patrons and coming over to torment those still in line. (One poor guest ran so hard from them that they ate the dirt! They were fine but it was pretty funny.) Near the front of the line was the infamous Spooky Oopsies board, where HoA kept track of the accidents patrons have had while going through. Quitters, Criers, Crap-tastrophies, and more – will you be among any of these?

Many of the rooms and scenes within the house matched the story they were trying to tell. Multiple rooms made appropriately colorful homes for clowns. One had carnival games, like Ring Toss, with stuffed bears as prizes. Another had a couple of poor souls stuck to those spinning red-and-white wheels. In the midway, popcorn was on display for any visitors wanting a snack.

Although LaGriffe certainly had plenty of living marvels for visitors to admire, he had some other tricks up his sleeve to dazzle, delight… and scare the snot out of any group foolish enough to seek admission to the show. The blinding fog that billowed through the graveyard had a sweet cotton candy scent. At least one- possibly two if I’m remembering correctly- scare came in the form of a loud, roaring actor-matronic puppet. In the room where you meet the Ringmaster, a taxidermied bear wore a tutu and a bear’s gaping jaws also formed the entrance. Colorful streamers and more flags hung from above and plenty of old-fashioned clown portraits and circus posters adorned the walls. An early scene appeared to be boarded up, maybe to keep people out after hours… lest they discover the sideshow’s secrets. The room with the tendril-handed freak also had a little clown sitting in what resembled an electric chair, with lighting effects to make it seem real. At one point I had to squeeze through inflatable walls, and also found myself slipping and sliding over the floor on my way to the next scene! Fun carnival games, like Ring Toss and Test Your Strength, were visible in the midway.

Lighting was used well in the house but I did feel like for a circus setting, it could’ve been a little brighter in some rooms. A lot of spots had a dark, creepy feel due to the use of cold-colored lighting or blacklights. Again, I got a sort of “after hours at the circus” feel while I was walking through. The audio used varied but was 100% appropriate for the story, like the calliope music I overheard in one scene.

Well, I was warned from the start I would encounter sights and creatures that would “shock, disgust, and terrify” me – and you could say Eugene was true to his words! Throughout my tour, I was startled, creeped out, and accosted by numerous clowns and oddities. House of Anguish is a LIGHT CONTACT haunted house, meaning their cast could use touch and did so effectively, yet respectfully. Hands were gently slid over my cheeks, I was poked and prodded with a cane, and had my arms and shoulders lightly grazed or grasped to enhance scares. Of course, not all scares directed at me involved this element. I was chased and trapped by a monster in their scene, and the clown I met outside was deceptively sweet – leading to a nice jump when they suddenly triggered a hidden horn! Some used their vocal volume to their advantage and let out a loud scream or screech (or used a death whistle – I can’t always tell the difference). At least one of them used the “now you see me, now you don’t” tactic, which makes a person reluctant to keep going and find out where they ran off to! Good thing wolves don’t mind a little hunting.

In addition to what I mentioned under the Special Effects category, there were further scares that weren’t necessarily actor-based. I recall walking through a portion where strings of… something… I couldn’t quite see were grazing my skin. I also noticed a shroud with a clown mask that seemed like it could be an actor pretending to be a “statue”, but it didn’t move while I was there. An actor scare, or a distraction to make you think it was? It was interesting regardless.

The finale at this haunt is super cool because there are two different ones, and the one you personally receive will depend on your “luck” within the group. Most of the group meets the same fate… one person will not! And no other haunt ends their show quite like this one. (Think it’s over? Spoiler alert: it isn’t. They won’t let you off the hook that easily!)

Experiencing the sights, sounds, and screams of this sinister sideshow took approximately 12 minutes. With a base ticket price of $18, House of Anguish’s MPD (Minutes Per Dollar) rating came out to 0.62. That is on the lower side and not much by way of additional entertainment was included. However, I did feel the show I received was worth the price of admission. It was fun, genuinely creepy, and the proceeds went to the restoration of the Culbertson Mansion, which was important to me as a resident of New Albany. With the full understanding that the Culbertson team only has so much space and budget to work with, this score could be increased by adding more to keep the crowd entertained as they wait outside.

Crazy clowns and a menagerie of monsters await you beyond the doors of the carriage house! Step right up, grab a ticket, and visit the House of Anguish to see what Macabre Marvels the Ringmaster has brought to town.